A Bully Fairytale
by Numbuh296
Summary: In this parody of "Shrek", Duncan must rescue the beautiful "princess" Courtney to get his gymnasium back. Will he find love, or will the class president destroy him first?
1. Chapter 1

**A Bully Fairytale**

Prologue

"_A long time ago, in a faraway land_

_A beautiful princess was born._

_But an evil witch cast a terrible curse on her._

_Every night, she would turn into a terrible ogre._

_Her parents sent her away, and she was_

_Locked up in the highest tower in the castle_

_guarded by a terrible dragon._

_There she would wait until her_

_True love kissed her, and set her free_

_From her curse."_

_

* * *

_"PPBHT! Yea right," a young delinquent said, ripping a page from this book for him to use.

Out of the gym bathroom came a sixteen year old who wore a skull shirt, had several piercings, and a bright green Mohawk. The teen's name was Duncan, and he walked out of the bathroom humming a happy tune.

Duncan, on the days where he elected to go to school, usually hung out in the old gym in the basement. This was a great location, because the school didn't use it anymore. Rarely, if ever, did anyone come down here. School staff didn't know about it, and the students who did knew better than to mess with Duncan. Duncan had furnished it over the months, eventually building a sort of clubhouse out of the parts of a car he stole and other things on the far corner of the gym. The gym itself was old and dusty, and he liked it that way.

Duncan took a deep breath. "Yep, this is what life is all about," he thought happily. He picked up one of the several weights on the floor and began to do some curls.

Later, Duncan went to his "house" and grabbed a beer from the cooler in the trunk. He took a long gulp, and satisfied, rested in one of the leather car seats.

After finding the right position to relax in, Duncan turned up a stereo that he had specially installed. It started pumping out some music.

_Hey now. You're an Rock Star. Get your game on. Get paid. All that glitters is gold…_

"I hate this song," Duncan thought as he popped in one of his own CD's. He sat back, took another gulp, and closed his eyes.

After a bit, Duncan heard a sound come from the stairwell outside. "Not again," he said to himself. Duncan got up, and peered out the door. Sure enough, there were three guys sneaking around outside. Duncan grinned, and started to quietly follow.

"Man, I'm not so sure about this…" the first teen, named DJ, said to the other two.

"Dudes, relax," the second teen, Geoff, replied. "You want the cash, don't you?"

"DJ, just remember," the third teen, Tyler, boasted. "I'm Tyler. I'll kick this juvy's butt all the way to British Columbia."

"But haven't you heard about this guy?" DJ asked "They say he'll grind your bones to make his bread!"

"Actually," a voice from behind said. "That would be a giant." The trio of teens turned around to be faced with none other than Duncan. "Me, now I'll do a lot worse. Purple nurples, nuclear wedgies, maybe break a bone or two…" Duncan backed the three into a corner, but then Tyler jumped out in front of him.

"You're dead, dude!" he said as he threw a punch. But his fist completely missed Duncan and ended with himself flipping over onto the floor.

Duncan then picked up Tyler and threw him into a nearby trash can. This caused DJ and Geoff to scream in terror.

"This is the part where you guys get lost," Duncan said. DJ took off the fastest, followed by Geoff towards the stairs. Tyler, still stuck in the trashcan, had to hop off as fast has he could.

"Oh man," Duncan laughed afterwards. "That was classic." It was then that he saw a folded up piece of paper on the ground. "Looks like those losers dropped something," Duncan said as he picked up the paper. He unfolded it and read the flier.

"By order of senior class president Justin, in order to beautify the school, all geeks, dorks, nerds, and weirdoes shall be removed from the majority of current school facilities. Cash reward to those who turn in those mentioned above."

"Hm," Duncan thought for a sec. He put the piece of paper in his pocket, and went back to his gym to relax once more.

_A/N__: BE sure to check out my other TDI story called "Noah's New Groove"._


	2. Joining the Team

Joining the Team

Meanwhile, several floors up, all those that the class president Justin deemed "uncool" were being rounded up in the auditorium. Posters offering rewards to those who turned in geeks were lying all along the floor, and nerds and geeks were being led to special holding areas. School staff were seated on the stage behind tables, accepting the people being brought in. Boxes of nerd paraphernalia were stacked around them. It wasn't a large school, but there were quite a lot of people who Justin considered "geeks", so the auditorium was almost full.

At the moment, a bully was leading a gawky, tall teenager with red hair and glasses, named Harold, to one of the school staffers.

"The geeks name?" the staffer asked.

"Harold," the bully responded. The staff examined the "geek".

"Hm," she thought. "He looks the part. But can he prove it?"

"Of course," the bully said. "He's such a loser that he talks about all his stupid hobbies! Go on, dork. Talk."

Harold stood silent. The school staff looked annoyed.

"Heh heh," the bully nervously chuckled. "Do it, Dorkenstein!"

But Harold still stood, silently.

"You know the rules," the staffer said. "If you can't necessarily **prove** it, we can't give you the reward."

"But, but he is a geek! I mean, look at him!" The bully said.

Just then, at another table, a kid shouted, "NO, NOT MY iPHONE!" He grabbed at the object, which caused him to fall on a table, which then hit a box of confiscated geek stuff, and broke one open full of segways.

"Ha ha!" Harold yelled, jumping to one of the segways. "Now I'll blast out of here!" he taunted. "And FYI, I love magic tricks and Sci-fi!"

Harold revved the engine, placed his feet down, and started it up.

The segway took off. At a half mile an hour. "Oh yea…" Harold said.

"Grab him!" a nearby school safety officer called. Instantly, a squad of hall monitors appeared, ready to take down Harold. "Uh oh," Harold said, right before he ran.

Harold ran as fast as his legs could carry him, but the hall monitors were quickly catching up. He ran out of the auditorium, down the hall, and into the cafeteria. It was empty, so Harold climbed onto one of the tables and began to hop from table to table. "Like Super Mario," he thought for a second. The hall monitors still chased, but the school exit was on the other side. He was almost there. Three tables…two…one. But then, another hall monitor busted through the exit. Harold stopped, short, and almost tripped. Now he had to go down the only open stairs to the right. But that led to the old gym, where he was sure he'd be cornered. "Oh well," he thought as he changed direction, and ran down a dark hallway, lined with old, abandoned classrooms (all locked). The lights here flickered on and off.

"Stop right now!" one of the monitors called, but Harold kept on running. He found the door that led to the stairs to the old gym, and ran down as fast as he could. But the hall monitors were right on his tail.

Suddenly, Harold crashed into something hard. Or rather, someone hard. He looked up and saw a teen with a green Mohawk and black skull shirt. Duncan.

Harold was afraid for an instant, but heard the footsteps of his chasers behind him, and decided this guy was the lesser of two evils. He jumped up and hid behind the teen.

The guards came down the stairs, and were confronted with this person seemingly guarding an escaped nerd.

"What's going on?" Duncan asked.

"I'm afraid you'll have to come with us," a monitor said nervously.

"Oh yea," Duncan asked, cracking his knuckles. "You and what army?"

The monitor turned around to find that his group had deserted him, leaving him facing this guy alone.

"Um…never mind," the monitor said, running away as fast as he could.

Duncan laughed to himself, and turned around. He had forgotten about the teen that hid behind him.

"That…was…wicked!" Harold yelled in delight. "You sure showed them a thing or two!" Duncan was surprised. Who was this guy? "Get out of here, nerd," he said.

"Oh man, that was epic. You sent those dorks packing!" Harold continued. Duncan sighed, and headed towards his gym.

"Hey, wait up!" Harold said, and followed him.

"I thought I told you to get lost, loser," Duncan said.

"It's okay," Harold said. "I'm friendly. Not like those hall monitors."

Duncan, fed up, picked up Harold's skinny body, and threw him into a nearby garbage can. "Hmph," he huffed.

But Harold popped right back up. "And such upper body strength," he cooed. He hopped out of the can and ran right back to Duncan.

"What's your name?" Harold asked the juvenile.

"Um…Duncan," Duncan said unsure. Nobody had asked him for his name in quite a while, and certainly not for any good reason.

"I'm Harold," Harold responded. "Level eight D&D master, and practicer of all things kung fu." "Oh great," Duncan said. "An uber-geek." He turned around. "Look, Harold. Look at my piercings, my Mohawk, my surly attitude. Doesn't that bother you?"

Harold shook his head. "Nope."

Duncan growled. "Look, just go back upstairs and join your other friends."

Harold scratched the back of his head. "I really…don't have other friends…"

"Really?" Duncan asked. "A cool, suave, kid like you? You must be kidding?" Duncan said sarcastically.

This was lost on Harold. "But now we're friends."

"No, we're not," Duncan argued. He stormed back to his gym, but Harold still followed.

"Hey, can I stay with you for a few periods?" Harold asked. "Those guards will probably still be looking for me."

"No," Duncan said. "The last thing I need is some dork cramping my crib."

"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaasssssssseeeeee?!" Harold begged.

"No," Duncan said again.

"I have some snacks in my bag. We can share," Harold offered.

Duncan stopped for a moment. "What kind of snacks?"

Harold looked into his backpack. "Let's see. I have a sandwich."

"What kind?" Duncan asked.

Harold took a bite. "Pastrami."

Duncan grabbed the sandwich. "Okay, you can crash in the gym for one period, but don't tell anybody. Got it?"

When they got to the entrance, Harold looked at the gym in disgust. "What kind of place is this?" he asked.

"This would be my hangout!" Duncan said.

"Oh," Harold said, sounding a bit embarrassed. "I mean, this place is so nice. I love what you've done with this…car."

Duncan ignored Harold, went into his "house", and slammed and locked the door. "What a dork," he said to himself.

"Nice place," Harold said from beside him.

"AAHHH!" Duncan screamed in surprise as he got up. "What are you doing in here?"

"There's a lot more head room than I would have guessed," Harold said, sitting down in his recliner. "And it's warmer, too."

Duncan unlocked the door and opened it. "I don't think you understand."

"Where do I sit?" Harold asked.

"Outside!" Duncan screamed. At last, he seemed to have gotten through.

Harold's head dropped. "Okay," he said sadly. "I guess that's cool." He slowly marched outside into the gym and laid down on a dusty bench, tossing and turning to make himself more comfortable.

Meanwhile, Duncan closed the door to his hangout and sat down at a little table he had set up. He took out Harold's sandwich and took a bite. "Doesn't taste as good as I thought it would," Duncan thought. The taste personified the atmosphere, which Duncan now noticed was kind of gloomy.

To brighten things up, Duncan took out his lighter, lit up a piece of string, and put it in a cup. The makeshift candle made things a little better, and Duncan went back to eating.


End file.
